It's so embarrassing...

 

This came too soon. With DD, it took a bit, or atleast that’s what I’d like to believe.

This past week, we went to Indonesia on vacation. It was a much anticipated, high-expectations vacation.
The kids had gone 2 months with no holidays apart from the weekends, so they were really looking forward to chilling by the beach, and making the parents participate in all the adventure activities.

DS for one was counting down the days. With a 2 week vacation, the first week was spent with friends – a trip to Universal Studios and a water theme park. This ofcourse was not sufficient. It only took away 2 of the 5 ‘working’ days.

All his friends were traveling, so clearly DS knew his parents were not really interested in his enjoyment, not withstanding that we had to wait for his sister to return from her outdoor expedition through school.

“Fine, son” I said.  I do call him son… it doesn’t really roll of the tongue, but I call him son, so he knows that “beta” means son in Hindi. So he either hears “Fine, son” or “Theek hai, beta.” There isn’t really an equivalent in Tamil that sounds good. “Seri, Kanna” is what I go with. Kanna is sweetheart, or darling. Thankfully he knows all these phrases.

“Fine, son. We’ll make a trip after Dika comes back.” That seemed to calm him.

“I don’t want to go to any trip after coming back. I need to rest.” DD declared. So that led to some back and forth, and we agreed not to book anything for DD, but that we’ll wait for her to come back.

“If Dika doesn’t come, will we not go?” DS started as soon as Dika was out of the house.

“Do you want to go without Dika?” I asked.

“No, but I want to go on a vacation. Why won’t she come?”

“Maybe she will. Or maybe you can convince her.”

“She doesn’t listen to me…” and that went on for a bit.

But contrary to popular belief, DD did want to go on the vacation, and that made the little kid really, really happy.

So off we went.

We took the ferry to Bintan and on the way, I felt all very motherly, and really wanted to hug my baby.

My son seemed all very excited too, jumping between his seat and ours.

I pulled him closer and hugged him on my lap.

“Mamma, please stop. It is embarrassing” He said, and broke my heart into a thousand pieces.

“What?” I asked in disbelief.

“Mamma, I am not a baby. I am a big boy. You can’t make me sit on your lap. It’s embarrassing.”

“What?”

“Maaaa…” he freed himself.

Ady who was witnessing all this added, “Looks like the umbilical chord is finally cut.”

I was pretty devastated. I knew DS was right, he was a big boy now, but I just needed some more time with my baby.

“Embarrassing?” I kept looking at Ady in disbelief, as DS went back to his seat with Dika. “He’s seven.”

“It’s ok” Ady tried to cheer me up. “He’s growing up.”

I was about to react, when DS hurt his elbow jumping from his seat to ours.

“Ow!” he whimpered, looking at me. I didn’t react.

He came back to me, sat on my lap, “Mamma, I hurt myself.”

It was his way of making sure I was ok, ‘cause with everything else that came after it …the rock climbing, the archery, wakeboarding, and with all the falls, he was a ‘brave boy who can take care of himself’.

My little. My heart.  

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Happy Birthday, Babe!

 

 

It was DD’s B-day yesterday. She’s growing too fast for my comfort. I didn’t plan anything for her birthday; she managed everything herself.

“DD, your brother has a birthday invite for his friend’s birthday on the 24^th.” I had mentioned it to her a month ago, to see how she’d respond. If I’m being honest, I wanted her to whine and complain that I would even ask such a question. The answer was that DS wouldn’t go. It was his big sister’s birthday after all!

“Sure,” she said. “I am guessing it’s in the morning or afternoon?”

“Yeah, afternoon.”

“Sure, he should go.”

“What about your birthday?”

“I haven’t planned anything for my birthday yet, and even so, I think I may plan something without a seven-year-old.”

“You’ll have your birthday without us? I have to take him to the party.”

“What about Papa?”

“I don’t know, he may be here, he’s still on the mend, from his ligament tear.”

“Hmm, that should work.”

“What?” I exclaimed.

“Mamma, if I plan anything it’ll likely be a movie and dinner. It’s going to be a musical. I know how you guys hate musicals. I may need Papa to take us to the movie theater because I am thinking of watching ‘Mean Girls,’ and here in Singapore it's 16+. I am not sure how strict they’re going to be. If they are, then Papa might need to be there.”

She was so clear in her thought process. But where’s the emotion? I was wondering to myself.

“We can definitely have dinner together. It doesn’t need to be on 24^th; it can also be on 23^rd, Saturday, so all of us can have a long night.”

She has thought of everything, yet she says she hasn’t thought of it,  I continued thinking.

Come 23^rd… “So, shall we go to an Escape Room?” she asked.

“Yay!” DS screamed.

“Yes!” Ady agreed.

“Sure” I agreed too.

“Let’s go to the Escape Room and to that Thai restaurant that we went to a couple weeks ago. I liked the Pad Thai there.”

“I don’t like Thai,” DS interrupted.

“Too bad, you had your birthday and got what you wanted. Now it’s mine, and I get what I want. Besides, Mamma feeds you at home before we go out, so you should be fine.”

DS began to whine, and I was so grateful to take care of him and convince him that today was “Dika’s Day.”

DD had organized a Mean Girls Birthday Theme in Pink and she decided to host a party at home. It was too much of a risk to go all the way to the theater only to be told they don’t meet the age criteria.

“Mamma, can you buy donuts for us? I’ll get the pizzas from across the street.”

“Happy to help.” And I meant it.

And that was her simple birthday. Her friends arrived, all stylish in pink. The girls had a movie night, donuts, pizzas, and non-stop singing.

I wasn’t stressed in the least, but I missed planning for my baby. “You’re missing being in control,” Ady said, as if on cue.

“I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s the planning or her owning everything that’s making me sad.”

“Not sad. Proud,” he corrected me. “Yeah, proud, but I feel her slipping away.”

“And that’s OK. As long as we’ve prepared her for it.”

“Hmmm…” I sighed.

I missed the princess, fairy birthday parties. I missed the joyful scream on seeing the Frozen cake. I missed her incessant demand for new dresses and tights. I missed the shopping for return gifts…which reminded me…

“DD, make sure….” I tried adding.

“Mamma, relax. I got this.” And she did.  

Happy Birthday, Sweetheart!

Image credit: ABP Cake shop

Of Assets and Libraries

-- Eavesdropped Conversation --

"I am actually an asset, papa" I heard DS tell Ady. 

"No son, you're a liability. We only spend on you, we don't get anything in return."

"But I came from mamma for free. You didn't buy me."

"Well, the doctor did charge to deliver you"

"Dika is a library, but I bring you so much joy."

"Yes you do, and so does Dika. Liability." 

"But I am more of an asset than she is. She just stays in her room."

"Both of you are... Libailities. We pay for everything you do, and you end up wasting everything we feed you."

"You should only give me what I like then" DS reasoned. 

"Yeah, I don't think only cereal is a healthy choice."

"You can't give us stuff we don't like, and then say we waste it."

"Well, that's what you get."

"Then you're making us waste, papa. You're forcing us to not be assets."

"No, we give you healthy food, so you can be healthy. You choose...junk."

The boys emerged from the room, and DS came running to me. 

"Mamma, don't I give you hugs, so many hugs and kisses?" DS was looking for an ally.

"Yes you do, my baby" I said. "You give the best hugs and kisses."

"So I am an asset" DS said. 

"Yes, you are" I agreed. 

"Your hugs and kisses are free. Like my hugs and kisses to you." Ady continued.

"What's happening?" I asked, feigning ignorance.

"Papa's telling me about assets and librarires, and he's calling me a library."

"Liability" I corrected. 

"Yes, Liability."

"Oh you're an asset, my child" I hugged him. "You give me so much happiness."

"See, Papa?" DS teased his dad. 

"Well, you make him eat his veggies now. You're such a liability" Ady dismissed me. 

"Library!" DS corrected him. 

Image Credit: https://easy-peasy.ai/ai-image-generator/images/cute-electronic-accounting-calculator-icon-3d-pop-illustration

The mania that is Swift!

DD has been a Swiftie since she knew music. She would belch out all her songs, and we’d keep wondering where she’s heard these, as our home is almost exclusive to Indian music. 

Hearing her sing with such passion, we got her her own Alexa, so she could listen to all her favorite songs.

We knew she was obsessed with Swift, because her room had more pictures of Taylor than of herself or us (wishful thinking of course.) She never really outgrew the ‘phase’.  

DS knows what his sister’s favorite song of the season is, but he doesn’t really like Taylor Swift. She sings ‘too slow’ to his taste. He likes funky numbers he can dance to.

So this weekend, when the Era’s Tour was here in Singapore, naturally DD had to go. The excitement was palpable. She went with her friend of course, but the amount of preparation that went in - making bracelets, posters, buying the right outfit...I don't remember the last time, I had prepared so much. Child birth, may be?

I learnt so much about the Swift Culture. ‘The Mother’ as she is called. I will be honest, when DD said, "I have two mothers, one that gave birth to me, one that brought me up", I was shattered. While she did quickly added that I was also bringing her up, when she saw my shocked face, the damage had already been done.

DD had to do some last-minute shopping, so we hit the mall. The entire trip was a revelation to me.

I saw two girls who had this huge tag saying “F*ck the Patriarchy.” Not knowing that’s their mother’s song, I gave the girls two huge thumbs up in support – you know, feminism and women sticking together?

“Swiftie!!” the girls cheered.

“What?” I asked DD. “That’s her song, ma. It is amazing. You should hear it. She doesn't only sing about her boyfriends", DD knew what I thought about her. "She sings so many things, about the love for her mother, her best friend's son, about LGBTQ rights."

I actually did have tears in my eyes at this point. What sounded like a teen fest, suddenly felt a lot deeper, more meaningful.

I saw girls helping each other with the beads for the bracelets, giving compliments to each other. I saw the passion with which they were all planning for the concert.

“She’s not just a singer, ‘ma”, DD explained to me. “Her songs are meaningful, and relatable. There’s something in each song, that will resonate with you.”

DD in general is a very happy kid, so seeing her all excited about the concert wasn’t really surprising to me, but it’s the camaraderie that the girls shared, the enthusiasm with which everyone flew down to Singapore from all over the world, in fact, a friend of ours flew down all the way from Seattle too, that was so heartwarming.

I may not be a Swiftie, but I sure appreciate what the singer is doing to bring everyone together, in a kind and empathetic way. “Swifties help each other,” DD explained to me. “It’s like an invisible bond.”

“Mamma, since I always hear Dika listening to Taylor Swift, is she my mother also?”

“NO!” I instantly reacted. “Only I am your mother.” And I held him close to me. “But she can be an aunt to you.”

Image credit: DD

When it's more fun there

 

Even before we landed in Sydney, the kids started saying we should move there. “Why?” I asked picking the carryon baggage from the overhead bin.

“Because it’s like Seattle, and they talk a lot with me.” DS said.

“And they have a similar social justice system like the US” said DD, my diversity advocate.

“OK, lets just get a cab and go meet papa.”

“Can you check where we get taxis?” I asked DS, as soon as we left the arrivals gate.

He ran behind an airport employee and I lost sight of him for a bit. DD and I were busy trying to maneuver the luggage to the pick up spot.

Soon DS came running pointing at the opposite direction.

“Mamma, I think that guy has lost some teeth.”

“Why do you say that?” I asked. “Did you see in his mouth?”

“No, but he said ‘Aiver they’, when I asked him where the taxis were. Just like air come out when i talk through my lost teeth, i think air os coming out for him too.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“I think it means ‘over there’" he said. “Because he pointed in that direction.”

“Naar” DD said.

“What?”

“That’s another word in the Australian accent.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“No” she smiled. “See, we should move here. It’s so fun.”

And that’s how our trip to Sydney began.

The next day was already too late, coz DS wanted to be at the beach everyday, every hour, and DD wanted to shop till she dropped.

So Manly beach separated the ladies from the gentlemen. DS had his first brush with body boarding and DD had her first brush with not finding anything her size.

“Why is everyone so gigantic?” she asked.

“You’re tiny” I smiled.

“Maybe I’ll get a scarf.”

“Oh yeah, that’ll be your perfect size.”

Clearly the shopping wasn’t really what she anticipated, so we settled for a mani-pedi, and lets just say, her pink nails are not really hers.

With all the body boarding, came the sun-burn. Not for the kid, the dad. So finally somebody agreed that Mom was right in advising to wear sunblock.

But with all things said, Sydney was an amazing place to visit. The Blue Mountains were breath taking, the Sydney Opera house checked off my bucket list, and the beach mania is something that’s not leaving this household anytime soon.

“Mamma, why do we have to be home?” DS complains everyday. “The fun isn’t here, it’s Aiver they.”

Too Many Girls!!

DD had a Saturday practice at school. DS had a long day too, with a lot of playtime at home, Amma is here, so he'd been playing with her and Lina Aunty. 

"Ma, can we have dinner outside?" DD messaged me. 

That seemed like a good idea. Amma, DS and I decided to meet DD half way in her favorite restaurant. 

It was a good meal, good ambiance, good company. 

There were a bunch of men behind us, laughing and joking boisterously. 

Suddenly, DS declares to us, "There are too many girls. I am done. I want to be around some boys!"

"What?" All of us were shocked.

"Papa is traveling, and there are no boys. It's only girls, girls, girls"

One of the guys behind us heard and looked over. Clearly he wanted to talk to DS. 

"I don't really want to be around girls anymore. I am going." DS continued, standing up, and trying to walk away from us. 

"Hey, babe", I called after him. "There's a bunch of boys right here, you can talk to."

"Hey, yeah" said the guy who was following our conversation. "You know, I have 2 boys myself."

That seemed to calm DS down, who at this point was struggling to set himself free from his sisters' grasps, to - walk away. 

"Why aren't your sons here?" He asked. 

"They're at home." He said, showing some pics of his kids. 

"Do you play any sports?" He asked DS. 

DS couldn't understand his Kiwi accent. "He's asking if you play any sports, babe" I said. 

"Basketball."

"Ooh, I love playing basketball. My kids play too!"

"Mamma, can you take his number, and we can have a play date with his sons?"

And after a good conversation, there was no need to walk away from the girls in the house anymore, or so I thought. 

I also set a 

Ady returned last morning. DS woke up as soon as he heard his dad's voice. 

"Papa, I am glad there's a boy in the house," he ran to hug his dad. 

"What?... I..." and am still finishing that sentence. 

Image Source: https://www.needpix.com/photo/1299933/flower-girl-power-woman-power-florist-female-woman-girl-sign-female-sign

Rules of turning 7

This was possibly the first birthday for DS that he knew and was aware, that it was organized just for him, outside the home.

He wanted to have a laser tag event, and made his own list of friends he wanted to invite.

This was actually a birthday of mixed feelings for the little guy. He was turning 7.

Turning 7 in Singapore meant that you need to sleep by yourself, and you cannot sleep with your parents anymore. (That’s the rule, don’t look it up. You’ll just have to take my word for it.)

So while he was excited that there’s a day dedicated for him and all his wishes, a big part of him was also worried that he no longer gets to sleep with Mamma. (Mamma was equally unhappy by the way, it was Papa’s idea to enforce the rule, so he doesn’t get kicked in the shins every night.)

He woke up in the morning excited to turn 7, but he wanted to cuddle some more, because technically, he turned 7, and should not be sleeping with the parents.

“Today is my birthday” he declared coming down the stairs, to all of us – “so whatever I want gets done.”

He said he wanted to eat donuts for breakfast, and we readily obliged.

Everything about the day was great.

After an exhausting but wonderful birthday, DS was ready to retire.

“I am not going to send him to his room” I remarked to Ady. “It’s your idea, you deal with it.”

“Alright. I will.”

Ady was out of DS’s room in 10 minutes.

“What happened?” I asked.

“What? He’s fine. He’s following the rules.” He chuckled.

“My baby…”

“He’s a big boy”

It’s now been almost a week, and my rule-following baby boy came up to me to snuggle in the morning – “Mamma, can you write to the government that I can sleep with you?”

“Stay strong!” Ady urged me.

We shall see how this night goes.

Long Term Commitment

We were in India for the past few weeks to celebrate the 50th anniversary milestone of my in-laws. 

DD and DS got to meet a whole set of their paternal cousins, aunts and uncles, grandaunts and grand uncles. Within the first week, his grandma became DS's favorite person in the whole world.

The entire family was there. Dances by the bonfire, steaming hot paranthas, fresh from the farm salads, and wonderful cackles of excited children were all the elements that made our trip so memorable. 

On the day of the big event, it was amazing to see mom-in-law and dad-in-law all decked up, happy, nervous, shy! They were re-living the day from 50 years ago and it was just the most adorable scene ever. 

On the way to the venue, DS was riding with his grand aunt, grand parents and I. The grand aunt was teasing him, saying she wanted to marry him. "Will you marry me?" she asked. DS looked up at me. 

"Mamma" he said. "I can't marry her." 

"Why?" she asked. "Why won't you marry me?"

"You need to be married for a long time. But if I marry you, I have to marry very soon. "

Everybody burst out laughing. 

"Mamma, she is very old. I can't be married only for a short time. I need to be married a long time." he whispered in my ear. 

"She already has a husband, babe" I tried to calm the anxious child. "She's just kidding."

"I will tell your husband" he threatened her. 

"He'll happily give me away" she laughed. 

And he did. DS did tell his granduncle what his wife did, who promptly did offer her to him. "She may be your favorite person soon."

"No. Daadi is my favorite person in the whole world."