The mother... ok.. father...ok.. the parent of all battles!

Men will be men and women will be women. The battle of the sexes will continue till the end of time. Let me begin with this conclusion, as I don't intend to resolve anything here. It's a wild goose chase and I know better.

Somehow till they exchange rings 'forever', the man is the epitome of everything right, and the woman - the most beautiful thing on earth, well the universe possibly. And then something happens -as if by cue. After her forehead is adorned with the sindoor, or they say 'kubbol hai', or 'I do'. Something dramatic - happens. And life alters.

Within the first year of marriage, the woman realizes the husband is 'no longer the same'. That he is this selfish, lazy slouch who won't move an inch around the house. And if it is the game season, then god forbid the woman utter a word. A really important, rather life changing commentary about a demi god is lost. The highlights, don't have the essence of the game. There's no way in hell they can watch a replay to 'feel' the match. Repeat telecasts are for losers, who work their @$$ off in the office, or for husbands who loooove their wives or mildly put, are 'henpecked'.

The woman somehow has something really important to discuss only when there is a match on. How come she chatters away all the time about some stupid eye liner or a new pair of shoes otherwise, but makes an 'important' point only when the ball is mid air? And how can men be sure that this is not another discussion where she is not necessarily expecting your answer, but is thinking out loud? Do they listen to her, do they move the eyeball to the ball on TV? What's the right choice? Women can be so cruel.

The return of the jedi (read mother-in-law)
Her Mother-in-law visits
The middle aged husband is suddenly all of 6. The doe eyed mother's eyes are still filled with pride, to see her son tie his shoe laces.
Suddenly the food that he has been eating even for more than 10 years of marriage, do not provide enough 'nourishment to a growing and hard working' body. Pastas, noodles and salads are hardly any food. The goodness of ghee and butter is quintessential to that already bloating waist line.

His mother-in-law visits
He is still pampered. He is the 'prince' of the house. Especially, when he smiles cordially to her like he means it. But somewhere in the back of her mind, she still thinks, 'My daughter could have done a lot better than this guy'. And 'this is how we do it' somehow does not ring a bell with the new guy in the family, who like her husband is glued to the TV. His mother-in-law just hopes her daughter does not face the same 'trauma' she did after marriage.

enter person 3 - the kid
She thinks:
He is too immature, cannot handle the baby. Is a baby himself. Would rather trust her girl - friend who's visiting after 12 years of stay in a rehab, vs the father of the child. He somehow is not wired to handle the baby right.
Why wont he make that extra effort to feed the infant?
Why wont he notice that the diaper needs to be changed?
Why wont he stop her from hurting herself? Why does he always have to be told? A monkey does better when it is told.

He thinks:
'What harm can something so tiny do?', till ofcourse he sees the bottom 3 feet of the house in a different hue. Even then, it's art -awesome art! But then, his X-box is in the litter box, and the remote control is misplaced. That's when lightning strikes. The remote is misplaced. Now, he'll have to walk that extra 3 feet to change a channel. The little person now has his complete attention.

And why hassle over food now? If it is hungry, it will eat. We don't have to show him the moon or the stray dogs for a few morsels to go down that tiny tummy. It isn't worth the effort. We have research and we have proof. If you are paranoid, you run behind the kid. Don't blame us for being so wise.

He does change the diaper. When the smell becomes unbearable or she asks him to. There's no other reason why. There's something written on the diaper bag on frequency? Well, he never saw it. And if he didn't see it, it's not important.

So, the kid fell and hurt himself. He will learn not to do it again. Why the paranoia. Why the expectation of a paranoia?

He does what he is told. Period.It is hard as it is to listen to the mouth that responded to the 'I do', give so many instructions in the first place. There could be a few misses here and there, but boy! the speed of instruction is 10 times faster than the C in Einstein's famous equation. Something's bound to be missed. And when it is, it perhaps was the most important thing!

Well, that's till the kid's just about made his presence known. And life's just begun!

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